Crohn’s [Disease] Diaries PART 12: Selena

I was rummaging through some old writings. Came across these short diary-like entries from stints in/out of hospital 6 or 7 years back.

These began at a time when I was pretty vulnerable, with no proper diagnosis of the developing illness I had. Gradually, over the weeks, I became more and more aware of this “CROHN’S DISEASE” and started writing about its day-to-day struggles/speculating a lot about its causes.

To this day, Crohn’s has no known cure, but it is more common than people think.

Just no one ever talks about it.

Empty

[Each entry is how it was when I wrote it, except maybe for a few spelling/grammar edits. Don’t use them as a guide; they are merely the experiences of a patient coming to terms with an illness (written mostly on a variety of different meds.)]


 

> Part 12: Selena
(Part 11 HERE)

 

We’ve been in touch ever since I got admitted in. But for months she’s been saying she’ll come to visit me… and today (close to over 5 months since I last saw her) it finally happened.

 

2 days late of my birthday. She bought me a Rocky mug and a DVD – Starship Troopers 2 (which I later found out was from Jamie).

 

She looked good/healthy. Hair was a brighter red than usual; but she had that smile… that made me want to sit up in bed.

 

So I did; and she gave me a hug. She asked how I was (I said shit) and we spent most of the visiting minutes just talking.

 

She missed out the part about her fucking my mate (JAMIE), though. It must’ve slipped her mind…

 

… somewhere in-between watching some old quiz show on TV and her asking if I wanted to see her shake her behind in front of the bed (“like old times”).

 

I thought we had something.

 

Them years we spent together we probably some of the happiest. We’d get pissed and have late-night/early morning BBQs on the beach; she liked to paint/draw; she was a Gamer; and I still think of her whenever it comes to that game, Shadow of Colossus.

 

She used to play that a lot; but now she’s playing me.

 

For months I’ve been stuck in here, restrained to the point that I can’t do anything remotely productive (cept flush out my bowels). While she gets off on fucking him, being the gutless piece of shit that she is

 

… and coming from me, that’s pretty ironic.

 

 

 

 

Crohn’s [Disease] Diaries PART 11: Just Another Day…

I was rummaging through some old writings. Came across these short diary-like entries from stints in/out of hospital 6 or 7 years back.

These began at a time when I was pretty vulnerable, with no proper diagnosis of the developing illness I had. Gradually, over the weeks, I became more and more aware of this “CROHN’S DISEASE” and started writing about its day-to-day struggles/speculating a lot about its causes.

To this day, Crohn’s has no known cure, but it is more common than people think.

Just no one ever talks about it.

Empty

[Each entry is how it was when I wrote it, except maybe for a few spelling/grammar edits. Don’t use them as a guide; they are merely the experiences of a patient coming to terms with an illness (written mostly on a variety of different meds.)]


 

> Part 11: Just Another Day
(Part 10 HERE)

 

I’ll always remember 2Pac saying in some interview in prison that being stuck inside kills your inspiration. This isn’t the same, but it’s not far off.

 

Hospital is a morgue. Getting out of bed is challenging enough (the Physician helps); everyone’s miserable/screaming or shouting about something; and no one really wants to be here (but it’s either this or die).

 

The TV in my room (one of the few luxuries you might think) doesn’t help anything. Nothing but cooking programmes/re-runs of TOP GEAR (on DAVE).

 

I could use the time productively, maybe write a few poems. But I crave something easy; something basic…

 

… like Hulk Hogan’s autobiography (by my bedside).

 

Coming up to tea time and I’m nil by mouth (again). The smell of microwaved curry coming from the corridors is a blessing and a craving.

 

Can’t remember the last time I ate proper food/anything remotely edible.

 

Starving…

 

and it’s looking unlikely that I’ll be getting out of here before Christmas.